liz Clairborne

Fuck You Bitch!!!

Vistaprint

I love you...

Hallmark

v1O my O my !!! What fun we shall have! What are we doing again?!
Just kidding. I can hardly wait. I may have to change my toenail color
for the occasion.

LYL

Vistaprint

> *Praise the lord jesus christ *
>*we wanted to do ministries and shake india in any way but JESUS CHRIST name
>to be made high what may be but to do power ministries this from my bottom
>of my heart *
>*in jesus christ*
>*D. K samuel jaba kumar *

Art.com

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

-Ben Williams

Borders International

>!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!KISS MY SWINGERS!!!!!!!!!!!= >!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Borders INternational

SOOO FUNNY!!! > >>>>9 Things I Hate About Everyone >>>> >>>>1. People who point at their wrist while >>>>asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is >>>>yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is? >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>>2 People who are willing >>>>to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote >>>>because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually. >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>>3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. >>>>Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it? >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>>4 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. >>>>Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do >>>>this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses! >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>>5 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I >>>>paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor. >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>>6 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a >>>>choice there, did ya sunshine? >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>>7. When something is 'new and improved!'. >>>>Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. >>>>If >>>>it's an improvement, then there must have >>>>been something before it, >>>>couldn't be new. >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>>8 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest >>>>damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer? >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>>9 When you are waiting for the bus >>>>and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be >>>>standing here, dumbass?

Borders International

>please do not e mail me as i will not be using borders again as the black >community dose not support racist ideas tin tin in the congo

Vistaprint

>Wow...now THAT'S Customer service...
>I won't forget it...
>These things happen...
>By the way, Ricardo was excellent!
>Mike

Sears (Re: You have been unsubscribed)

FINALLY!!!!! I have been trying to get SEARS to quit sending me E-mails for 6 MONTHS!!!!!! Why did you have to torture me????? I closed my SEARS account BECAUSE YOU WOULD NOT STOP SENDING ME UNWANTED E-MAILS!!!!!!! I hope you honor other people's request to stop in the future!!!!!!!! Thank You, FINALLY!!!!!

Borders

*gropes*
HAHA

Borders (Email titled The Biggest Book ever - in reference to the release of the new Harry potter)

>we should soooo goo... would u want to .. cuz i want to... just let me >kno... nd then see if anyone else *wink *wink.. dana... would want to go >too.. so we have a ride.. u guys could sleep over here... but i have >work saturday at 12.. so.. u guys would have to figure out wat u r >doin.. but if u rellie wanna go... then i'll go with ya.. just say the >word...lol.. ttyl > ><3>

Borders

I FULLY BELIEVE THE BIGGEST BOOK EVER IS THE HOLLY BIBLE, AND NOT THIS DEMONIC WRITING MEANT TO BRAINWASH MILLIONS OF YOUNG BRAINS WITH ITS SATANIC LINES. SO, I AM DISGUSTED WITH YOUR LACK OF INSPIRATION FOR TITLES

Borders

>It's too bad you don't plan events in a way which is sensitive to your >Jewish customers. Friday night is the beginning of the Sabbath. >Observant Jews will not attend. It would be so nice if it was a >Saturday evening or a Sunday. > >Mitchell Harris >On Jul 18, 2007, at 11:25 PM, Borders Rewards wrote

Borders

>yeah.... ummm... your dorky sissy has one resevred, i will totally be >there friday at midnight. shhhh.... its hard though, bc i have the fluke >tourney saturday morning EARLY.. i am going to be SO tired and sleepy. but >i have to get it!

Borders

Harry Potter is a NERD!

Borders

>Never having been one to suffer fools gladly, I would appreciate advice = >on the best method and time for a moderately cantankerous customer to = >access the Border's store in Bolingbrook, Illinois, pick up her = >'Hallows' book and retreat without being subjected to the two things I = >fear and despise above all others: idiots and hype. I wish to make my = >escape unscathes by wands, costumes (and I will sneer at anyone in = >wizard-like garb), games, prizes and spelling bees. Is there a Borders = >location for people who just want to read and be left alone?? >=20 >I love my Borders store and want the purchase on my rewards account, but = >am beginning to wish I had ordered on Amazon.com and had my book quietly = >delivered to my home on Saturday morning by the nice man whose only = >costume is odd brown shorts.

Borders

Fairwell to all!

Dick

Borders

Borders Rewards,

Guess what! I'm a DAD!


I will endeavor to respond to your email after I finish basking in the joy of fatherhood. Have a GREAT day!

Kyle

Borders

Never send me anything pertaining to Harry Potter satanic CRAP!

1-800-flowers

i did not sign up so f@!>K you

Virgin Mobile

i hate you

1-800-flowers

>Nothing else matters if we can't stay healthy and defeat chronic diseases. >Whole food is the answer!!! That's why God gave us fruits and vegetables..

1-800-flowers

I'm now a "lady of leisure" You can reach me at my new email address:

Sears

>WonderCum has been developed to give you, the consumer, the ultimate semen = >enhancement product. WonderCum has been developed to give you, the consumer= >, the ultimate semen enhancement product.http://kaleoo.comEACH WONDERCUM CA= >PSULE CONTAINS: WITHANIA SOMNIFERA 50 MG; ASPARAGUS RACEMOSUS 50 MG; MUCUNA= > PRURIENS 50 MG; ASPARAGUS ADSCENDENS 50 MG; PUERARIA TUBEROSA 50 MG; ASTER= >ACANTHA LONGIFOLIA 25 MG; TRIBULUS TERRESTRIS 25

Reader's Digest- Australia

i want 2 no ur nme

Borders

>Please update your address book to nXXXX@jazzyjuggler.com when you can do so spaciously.

Onstar

>What a rip off!
>Did you ever sell Amway!

1-800-flowers

1-800-FLOWERS.COMGood Monday Morning Gorgeous

1-800-flowers

Fuck off!!! My girlfriend broke up with me because you sent her a 12 dead roses!!!

Vistaprint

>Sorry you missed us. We're taking a company camping trip between July 8th-13th. Feel free to contact us after then, for we'll be refreshed and ready to rock and roll on new home loan files.
>
>Have a great week,

Vistaprint

>Advertise on JewishMayhem.com
>The adults-only Zine about Jews and the cool, crazy and comical things =
>that they do

Drugstore.com

>There I was at six-thousand feet over central Iraq, two-hundred-eighty >knots and we're dropping faster than Paris Hilton's panties. It's a >typical September evening in the Persian Gulf, hotter than a rectal >thermometer and I'm sweating like a priest at a Cub Scout meeting. > > >But that's neither here nor there. The night is moonless over Baghdad >tonight, and blacker than a Steven King novel. But it's 2006, folks, and >I'm sporting the latest in night-combat technology - namely, >hand-me-down night vision goggles (NVGs) thrown out by the fighter boys. >Additionally, my 1962 Lockheed C-130E Hercules is equipped with an >obsolete, yet, semi-effective missile warning system (MWS). The MWS >conveniently makes a nice soothing tone in your headset just before the >missile explodes into your airplane. >Who says you can't polish a terd? > > >At any rate, the NVGs are illuminating Baghdad International Airport >like the Las Vegas Strip during a Mike Tyson fight. These NVGs are the >cat's ass. > > > >But I've digressed. The preferred method of approach tonight is the >random shallow. This tactical maneuver allows the pilot to ingress the >landing zone in an unpredictable manner, thus exploiting the supposedly >secured perimeter of the airfield in an attempt to avoid enemy >surface-to-air-missiles and small arms fire. Personally, I wouldn't bet >my pink ass on that theory but the approach is fun as hell and that's >the real reason we fly it. > > >We get a visual on the runway at three miles out, drop down to >one-thousand feet above the ground, still maintaining two-hundred-eighty >knots. Now the fun starts. It's pilot appreciation time as I descend the >mighty Herc to six-hundred feet and smoothly, yet very deliberately, >yank into a sixty degree left bank turning the aircraft ninety degrees >offset from runway heading. As soon as we roll out of the turn, I >reverse turn to the right a full two-hundred-seventy degrees in order to >roll out aligned with the runway. Some aeronautical genius coined this >maneuver the "Ninety/Two-Seventy." Chopping the power During the turn, >I pull back on the yoke just to the point my nether regions start to >sag, bleeding off energy in order to configure the pig for landing. >"Flaps Fifty!, landing Gear Down!, 'Before Landing' Checklist!" I look >over at the copilot and he's shaking like a cat shitting on a sheet of >ice. Looking further back at the navigator, and even through the NVGs, I >can clearly see the wet spot spreading around his crotch. > > >Finally, I glance at my steely eyed flight engineer. His eyebrows rise >in unison as a grin forms on his face. I can tell he's thinking the >same thing I am .... "Where do we find such fine young men?" "Flaps One >Hundred!" I bark at the shaking cat. Now it's all aim-point and >airspeed. Aviation 101, with the exception there are no lights, I'm on >NVGs, it's Baghdad, and now tracers are starting to crisscross the black >sky. Naturally, and not at all surprisingly, I grease the Goodyear's on >brick-one of runway 33 Left, bring the throttles to ground idle and then >force the props to full reverse pitch. > > >Tonight, the sound of freedom is my four Hamilton Standard propellers >chewing through the thick, putrid, Baghdad air. The huge, one-hundred >thirty-thousand pound, lumbering whisper pig comes to a lurching stop in >less than two- thousand feet. Let's see a Viper do that! > > >We exit the runway to a welcoming committee of government issued army >grunts. It's time to download their beans and bullets and letters from >their sweethearts, look for war booty and of course, urinate on Saddam's >home. > >Walking down the crew entry steps with my lowest-bidder, Beretta 2F, 9 >millimeter strapped smartly to my side, look around and thank God, not >Allah, that I'm an American and I'm on the winning team. Then I thank >God I'm not in the Army. > > >Knowing once again I've cheated death, I ask myself, "What in the hell >am I doing in this mess?" Is it Duty, Honor, and Country? You bet your >ass. Or could it possibly be for the glory, the swag, and not to >mention, chicks dig the Air Medal. There's probably some truth there >too. But now is not the time to derive the complexities of the superior, >cerebral properties of the human portion of the aviator-man-machine >model. It is however, time to get out of this hole. "Hey copilot how's >'bout the 'Before Starting Engines' >Checklist." > > >God, I love this job!

Consumer Direct

i like poop!

Vistaprint

> I say break into your house > > >A lady wrote the best letter in the Editorials >in ages!!! It explains things better than all >the baloney you hear on TV. > >Her point: > >Recently large demonstrations have taken place >across the country protesting the fact that Congress >is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration. > > > >Certain people are angry that >the US might protect its own >borders, might make it harder >to sneak into this country and, >once here, to stay indefinitely. > > >Let me see if I correctly understand >the thinking behind these protests. >Let's say I break into your house. >Let's say that when you discover >me in your house, you insist that I leave. > >But I say, "I've made all >the beds and washed the >dishes and did the laundry >and swept the floors. I've >done all the things you don't >like to do. I'm hard-working >and honest >(except for when I broke into your house). > >According to the protesters: > > >You are Required to let me stay in your house >You are Required to add me to your family's insurance plan >You are Required to Educate my kids >You are Required to Provide other benefits to me & to my family > > > >(my husband will do all of your yard work because >he is also hard-working and honest, except for that >breaking in part). > >If you try to call the police or force me out, >I will call my friends who will picket your >house carrying signs that proclaim my >RIGHT to be there. > > >It's only fair, after all, because you have >a nicer house than I do, and I'm just >trying to better myself. I'm a hard-working >and honest, person, except for well, >you know, I did break into your house > > >And what a deal it is for me!!! > >I live in your house, contributing only a >fraction of the cost of my keep, and >there is nothing you can do about it >without being accused of cold, >uncaring, selfish, prejudiced, and >bigoted behavior. > >Oh yeah, I DEMAND that you to learn >MY LANGUAGE!!! so you can >communicate with me. > >Why can't people see how ridiculous >this is?! Only in America . >if you agree, pass it on (in English ). >Share it if you see the value of it. > >If not blow it off......... >along with your future Social Security >funds, and a lot of other things. >

Allposters

>I ordered. And that's the last damned time.
>NEVER shaft a Marine.

Virgin Mobile

Bush is killing Americans over there so Osama doesn't have to do it here.

Borders

Fairwell to all!

Borders

>Hi there. Thanks for your enlightening and provocative email. I agree with everything except for the part about the psychedelic gerbils. > >ACTUALLY I'm away in eastern Nevada wrestling coyotes from June 18-July 11 and might reply when i get back. I'm also teaching UCSB Geology summer field camp. > >Have a good great grand summer. >

Sears.com

>42 men; are there any nice plump guys for me and Diane?
>
>luv
>
>Madeline and Diane

Belo Int.

why do you do this to me?

Belo int.

Please ask to Sonics to leave town. I'll help them pack!

1-800-flowers

>You fucking bastard, it isn't true!!! You're liars!!!! I wanted used your >offer but you don't delivery it on time!!!! I fuck you!!! Don't send me >anymore any mail!!!!